Tag: Fiction

Missed Messages

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My grandma always taught me that it was bad luck to ignore a raven or crow. You always acknowledge their presence and smile. Be nice. They’re tricksters, and the last thing anyone needs to do is annoy a bird that can make your life hell.

I always acknowledged them for fear of my grandma finding out from the birds that I had walked right past one on my way to school. She always found out, she had made friends with the birds so they confided in her whenever someone had annoyed them.

When my grandma past away last year I stopped paying attention to the birds; not because I wanted to spite them, simply because the fear associated with not acknowledging them was gone.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; “Oh boy, this is going to be one of those weird stories where the bird talks, she learns her lesson, and becomes friends with the birds just like her grandma was. Great.” I can assure you this isn’t that type of story. No animals talk to me, no lessons are learned, and I’m not any closer with the birds now than I ever was before hand.

Instead, this is a different type of story. It’s the story of how my grandma, always a trickster, has been following me around for a month and I’m starting to get really annoyed.

Yes, you read that correctly. My dead grandma has been following me around for a month and I am getting annoyed. Let me give you a copy of her itinerary:

 

6:00 am: Allows the crows to slam small birds they can grab and fling into my window until I get out of bed.

9:00 am: Encourage the crows to shit on the entirety of the driver side of my windshield making it impossible for me to drive to work.

12:00 pm (coffee break): Give the crows shiny things they can fly with and encourage them to catch the light and shine it directly into my eyes so that I cannot enjoy anything without being blinded.

4:30 pm: Make the crows swoop at me as I run towards my shit covered car (again).

6:30 pm: Assign 5 crows to sit on my window sill and watch me eat dinner, regardless everything else going on outside. (I even aimed a sprinkler at my window and they just moved every time it came back around)

8:30 – 10:00 pm: Fill my backyard with crows until I can’t see the ground, and then lead them in some sort of choir practice so loud I can’t hear the TV.

 

So yes, my dead grandma is having the time of her ex-life making mine a living hell. It’s like every bird that I didn’t acknowledge between birth and now, has come back and decided to join in.

I’ve never been one to believe in omens, but let me tell you I’m starting to change my mind. Crows are mischievous, signal death, and my least favourite (I know, not the death thing, what a shock hey?) is the connection some people think they have with the underworld as messengers.

That last one is the reason I think my grandma is the one behind all of this, she wasn’t the best person and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where she ended up at the end of the day. The underworld seems like a fitting place for someone getting her entertainment by pissing off her granddaughter.

I haven’t learned my lesson though, I told you this isn’t that type of story. In my defense, she’s not making it very easy for me to fix this. I don’t know about you, but I have never wanted to say something nice to a bird after it shit on my car or sang over Bachelor in Paradise for a few hours.

I can’t outsmart the birds, believe me I’ve tried. The crows just find ways around whatever I’m doing. For example; I turned on my subtitles, that way I could at least try to follow along with the shows right? Wrong. You know that light thing I talked about that happens during my coffee break? Perhaps you don’t remember, that is okay. You should remember this; picture yourself in middle school and the really annoying guy in the class has decided to be even more annoying than usual so he takes his phone/watch/mirror, and tries to reflect the light coming from the sun, directly into your eyes. Well, these birds will take said light and said shiny object and aim it directly at the subtitles of the TV. I went to bed after they started doing that one. The sun was still up but no one has time to deal with that.

I am working on a new plan. My grandma is going to lose all of her little army: I’ve hired an exterminator. They’re coming by tomorrow to set everything up, starting with some nice spikes on my window sills so that they can’t watch me eat dinner.

Now I know what you’re thinking; if you think this is your grandma trying to torture you, why don’t you just apologize and move on?

I’m glad you asked that. You see, I’m petty and stubborn and so is she. This is going to be a never ending cycle of hell for both of us….

Oh god. This is going to be a never ending cycle of hell for both of us. I can’t make a dead woman living in hell feel like she’s in hell because she’s already in hell. I have to be the bigger person here. Damit. I guess I’m learning a lesson after all. “Don’t fight with a dead person.” Maybe I should go to the park and apologize, she’s not going to accept me saying I’m sorry without being able to make the birds swoop at me some more.

On May 23rd, 2018, Leslie Anne Cooper joined our angels too soon. After going for out a walk to the park, Leslie was hit by a bus crossing the street. The driver claimed to be unable to see thanks to a bright light obstructing his vision regardless of where he moved his head. By the time he noticed her, it was too late. We keep Leslie safe in our hearts and remember she is with her late grandmother now, truly in a better place. A sale will be held on the 26th for all of Leslie’s belongings not being claimed by her surviving family. Thank you for your prayers.

Leslie Anne Cooper

1992 – 2018

Forever in our hearts; may she fly her way to freedom

*Side note, Leslie was in fact correct about the connection crows have as messengers from the underworld and that her grandma was trying to entertain herself. What she failed to recognize is messengers often have other jobs, and these ones were simply trying to remind her to look both ways before she crossed the street unless she wanted to join her grandma and become victim to their omen of early death. However, she refused to acknowledge them politely no matter what they tried and missed their warnings entirely.*

For the lovely Deanne Mansfield who has always made sure I acknowledge the crows in my daily life. 

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A Letter to My Future Self

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Hello, it’s me again. I’ve decided to cut you some slack since I’ve been a little bit unfair recently. You are going to be dealing with some big changes soon and I understand that’s stressful stuff to be dealing with. The last thing that you need is some 17 year old telling you how to live your life, we both know all that’s going to do is make it worse.

I want you to take a second and breathe. We both know that you forget to do that sometimes, and it scares the hell out of everyone around you, so breathe; it’s really important. You have an amazing support system and I know you know that. Granted, that support system might change every once and awhile, but you will always have someone in your life that’s rooting for you. Let’s remember that Mom and Dad are more “team Tiana” than you are.

Remember when Mom and Dad sat through your middle school graduation. Grade 8, that was a big milestone. You could hear them from the back of the gym yelling and screaming to try and get your attention as you walked up the stage. They were so proud of you, and I can tell you that you have made so many people so proud. You’ve graduated, you’re well travelled now, and you’ve made some amazing friends. The only thing left to do is take the step over the line into your new chapter of your life.

You’ve been working towards these changes your whole life and I know it’s terrifying to know a whole chapter of your life is coming to a close.Remember, while you’ve been working your whole life for this, you’re not going to die if it doesn’t live up to your expectations or if it exceeds what you’re prepared for.

I’m going to remind you of a secret that we learned not to long ago, but one that perhaps you have forgotten. Taking a step towards something new doesn’t mean you have to get rid of everything else at the same time. Experience the new things; embrace them, but don’t forget about where you come from, where you grew up, and what life used to be like. It’s okay to miss the past, but if you hold onto it you’re only going to get hurt.

Keep in touch with your sister, I know you don’t need me to tell you that, but it seems important for me to say anyways.

Experience the world you’ve been craving, the world is much bigger than the bubble you’ve grown up in. I promise we’ll see the beauty in it more than most.

Love: Your Younger Self

This concept is something that we covered at the beginning of the year in creative writing. The original letter that I wrote to my future self was mean, bitter, and overall angry. I really want to graduate and put this time in my life behind me, hence why the first letter was written the way it was. I was thinking about the future and what I wish I could ask the future version of myself the other day and I remembered the letters we did at the beginning of the year. My tone had shifted to a much nicer, more understanding version of myself, so I decided to try the letter again and see what came out of it. While I’m nervous for the future and what going away for Lethbridge is going to mean for me and my friendships; I’m more excited to be able to live and gain the independence that I’m missing right now.

 

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Drowning in the Dark

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I was drowning in the dark. Yet unlike the darkness that you were afraid of as a little girl; this darkness was all consuming and self-inflicted. I was afraid to dance in the light so I hide in the shadows. I needed the dark. Needed the shadows clinging to the walls to consume me from the inside out so the darkness took me. Pulled me deeper than the surface level shadows along the wall and into a place where I couldn’t see my hand when I held it right in front of my face. It was drowning me; I panicked. I ran kicking and screaming trying to free myself but only running deeper instead. That’s the terrifying part of darkness. When it’s dark you have no idea which way is out. And I had trapped myself here.

I saw flashes of the light; sometimes by people as they passed through on the way to better things, sometimes by things that shone a light until they slowly died and became one with my all consuming reality.

I wanted out more than anything. I dreamed of my own personal moonbeam shining through the cracks and guiding me out to rejoin the rest of the world; yet, I was stuck here with the monsters and noises that kept me awake in the dead of what I assumed to be night. I was pushed around every once and awhile just to make sure that I was still capable of doing something other than sleeping and walking around blindly, not knowing how to gather my bearings.

I died in the dark. Maybe not in the most physical sense of death, but every part of who I was before died there. Everything but my name, I had given that up before they even asked me what it was; they were not, could not, get my last tie to sanity. They could not have all of me. Despite how they reached into my soul, how the darkness robbed me of every hiding spot and place where I could be truly alone, it wasn’t allowed to have all of me.

By this point you might be beginning to wonder if I got out, and if not, how are you reading this? Well my new friends, I’m simply here. Unnamed and powerless. I have given up on trying to get out, this is my self accepted home now. As for how you are reading this? You see, you are becoming one with the darkness too. I see you hiding in the shadows now, afraid to step out and dance in the light. But I urge you to embrace your fears and confront them before you lose sight of who you are in the first place and begin to find fears in what used to be your comforts. Because by the time you fear what used to be comfortable, it is too late for you to do much of anything.

“In the dark you have no idea which way is up.”

The inspiration for this piece came from a play that we went to go see during creative writing. The line above is one that I pulled from the play as it really stuck with me and summed up the tone of the play really well. It was directed by one of my best friends and was fantastically carried out by all parties. The play was called Nine and from it I was able to pull out some really cool themes with the light and dark as well as some of the feelings of entrapment.

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Everything You Have Ever Wanted

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She’s sitting right across from you and she’s everything you have ever wanted.

She’s clever without being boastful.

She’s funny without being rude.

She’s charismatic without being pushy.

 

And boy she’s beautiful.

 

She’s everything you have ever wanted.

And she’s close enough for you to grab her and never let her go.

But instead you sit there and stare as she writes,

because she’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

And you can’t mess up the relationship you already have.

Being “Just friends” can’t be that bad.

 

But inside you are dying.

Caught between “What ifs” and your feelings.

What if she laughs at you and leaves?

What if she looks up and you with her clear blue eyes and says,

“This wouldn’t work, you know that.”?

What if she doesn’t hear you the first time

and you have to try and tell her again?

What if she doesn’t say anything at all?

What if she says yes?

 

But deep down you know you’ll never say anything.

You’ll never reach for her no matter how close she is.

The “What ifs” will win the battle and your feelings will stayed buried.

Why would she feel the same anyways?

 

She’s everything you have ever wanted,

And you’re stuck in a dream.

Some sort of twisted fantasy

where the boy gets the girl just like the movies.

But she sits and writes,

right across from you.

 

What if you kissed her, right now,

without any warning?

What if that only works in the movies?

What if you drop her off at home, only to come back

hours later with flowers and a stereo over your head?

She would like that right?

 

She’s everything you have ever wanted.

She’s loving without being clingy.

She’s trusting without being distant.

She’s courageous without being dangerous.

 

And boy she’s beautiful.

 

Maybe the “What ifs” won’t win,

And your feelings will see the light.

But maybe denial is easier than rejection.

And living in a pretend movie is better than reality.

 

She’s everything you have ever wanted.

And she’s within reach.

But if you aren’t careful, her illusion will shatter.

And you’ll be without your make-believe fairy tale.

 

She’s everything you have ever wanted.

Which must mean she’s too good to be true.

 

Picture: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/119697302575190408/